My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
