so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
