Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
