your thong is hanging out like whoa
I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
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