What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
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