Define "chronic" masturbator.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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