I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize