She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Randomize
