its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
