I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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