btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
