If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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