Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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