Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
Randomize
