ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
