My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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