just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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