dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
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