I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
