you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Randomize
