i was rollin on her like bob the builder
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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