Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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