420 ftw
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Randomize
