So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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