We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
