I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Randomize
