Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
