so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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