If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
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