Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got chris browned last night
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
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