walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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