make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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