I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
