i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
