if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Randomize
