She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
