...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
Randomize
