the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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