the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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