There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
