it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
my vag is so smooth its legendary
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Randomize
