How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
