Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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