hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Randomize
