I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
