i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
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