I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
