Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
