she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
