Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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