I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
