Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Randomize
