look no pants
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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