I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
i've created a new STD.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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