It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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