Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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