I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
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