Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
