Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
