if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize