i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Randomize
