We're facebook friends in real life
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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