Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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