my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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