these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
