her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
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