Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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