Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
I just texted my mom from a strip club.
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