Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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